Milo

I cant believe I have not yet bloggged about my new baby, Milo.
He’s a male Pekingese doggie, which I got on 20 September, at 10 weeks old. That makes him roughly 15 weeks old now, right? (If that’s wrong, excuse my maths)

Anyways, Milo is the most gorgeous dog in the whole entire universe. He’s very clever, loving, sweet and oh so adorable.

The Test

The SABC one TV drama Intersexions got a lot of people thinking…and testing.
For those who did not watch it, Intersexions was about how our lives intersect and criss-cross with others’ in ways we don’t even know about. As soon as we become sexually active, we are immediately locked into a human web in which we are sleeping with hundreds, even thousands, of complete strangers. It showed how every time you sleep with someone, you sleep with their entire past.

Well, the drama also got me thinking, I wanted to go get tested. I kept telling myself that I had nothing really to worry about as i had been ‘playing it safe’ but something was urging me to go, for ‘peace of mind.’

I ignored the urge. Okay, I lie. I tried to go. I called New Start, but they told me that they do not have a permanent clinic in Pretoria. They told me that they have a satellite one, and I had to call them the morning I wanted to go to find out where they were…I called them once, they were in Garunkua. Sooo far. So I left it, and didn’t really think about it again.

On the 19th of July I had to go see my Doctor. While in the doctors rooms, being examined for what I had gone to her for, I decided right there to get tested as well. The last I had had an hiv test was about 2 years ago, in Durban, where I used to donate blood on a regular as well. i’m blood type O by the way, the rarest group that can be used to save people of the other blood groups as well. And yes, this does make me feel special.

The doctor gave me a counseling session. Asking why I felt the need to get tested. She asked about my sexual history and my lifestyle currently. She told me the options of what can be done should I be negative, as well as positive. Then I went to the Lancet Labs part of the hospital, where they drew blood. I had to sign on the test tube as well, as they can not test it for hiv without a signature. The lady at the lab told me that my doctor would tell me on the Friday, or the Monday. Then…the….wait…..began………

It was the longest few days of my life. On Monday the phone call came. When I saw the hospitals number on my screen, I stopped breathing for about 3 seconds. I let it ring for a while and probably only answered at the last ring. My hands were shaking, my palms were sweaty. My heart was racing. And the ‘hello’ only came out on my third attempt at hello.

The first thing my doctor said was ‘I have some good news for you.’ The relief I felt at that moment in time, is truly unexplainable.

I kinda knew I had nothing really to worry about, but I needed to do it for piece of mind. Intersexions really did get me thinking, just as it did almost the whole of Mzansi. So if you missed it, they are re-broadcasting it. Friday nights at 20h30, since July 22. SABC one. It is an amazing drama, a must see. And no, Curious Pictures and Ants Multimedia who co-produce the drama, are not paying me for this blog item.

Dreams

So, on Tuesday 28 June I had a dream that I had given birth. In my dream, I didn’t even know that I was pregnant; I just went into labour and gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. The dream was so vivid, I can actually still remember exactly what happened even now. I was home alone when the baby came...

A day after the baby ‘arrived’ I phoned my family and told them the news. My Mum didn’t believe me as she didn’t understand how I had not known I was pregnant.

When I woke up I was a bit concerned. In African culture to dream of birth, means a death (might happen)…

I told my BFF about the dream, and the first thing she asked was whether the baby was healthy. I knew she too was thinking of the death meaning from the African culture.

She then Googled the dream for me, and this is what she found:

‘To dream of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents a new attitude, fresh beginnings or a major event. Alternatively, the dream may be calling attention to your inner child and the potential for you to grow. A more direct interpretation of this dream may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.’

This interpretation put me at ease as I had met my Boyfriend about four days before I had this dream.

It’s the lil' things

the way he looks at me
the words he speaks to me
the way he holds me
the way he’s always willing to help

the way he sticks his rolled tongue out at me
the way he tries to fight back his sleep when we are cuddling

his love for chocolate, he even eats it in his sleep (yes, im dead serious)

the way he kisses me

the way he tilts his back backwards when he dances
the way he does his white boy dance moves
the way he dances while he’s driving

the look on his face when he’s concentrating
the way he and PraDa get along

the way he can always ‘read’ my eyes – i must admit though, this used to freak me out at first
the way he says i love you, which gives me goosebumps all the time

the way he listens when i talk
the way we get along
the way he ‘gets me’

the way he always says all the right things

the way he opens the car door for me
the way he asks me if i’m okay

the way i miss him when we are apart
the way he has let me into his world and
the way he has fitted so perfectly in mine

the way we met
the way he makes me smile
the way he makes me laugh

it’s the little things he does that make me fall in love with him more and more each day

Mr Jele

He came into my life about 3 weeks ago but -without sounding too cliched- it feels like I'v known him my whole life. He makes me laugh, he's got me on auto smile.
I can be myself completely when I'm with him. He's almost just as crazy as I am. Ok, actually, he's crazier than me.

He brings me flowers, he opens the car door for me, and have I already mentioned that he makes me laugh, smile, happy.....?

I used to think that I only blogged when I was sad, as an escape mechanism, well, im blogging now, which means I have been wrong. I must blog when I'm feeling extremes, coz right now I'm extremely happy! And I want the whole world to know.

Some of my people are askn me where Nof has gone to. The pessimist, cursed Nof. Well guys, I guess the curse has been broken. I'v been told to 'take things slow' to 'suss him out' 'to figure out what he's about'.

Things are just moving so quickly though, the love is soo strong. And I'm enjoying every bit and am planning to give it my all.

It just feels soooo different this time around, so real, so true, so geniune.
It is true what they say I guess, one day someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked with the rest.

I actually at times feel like slapping myself for being okay with some of the ish I have been put through, and for sometimes allowing myself to be treated like some of the times I have been treated in the past. But i guess i had to go through all of that though in order truley appreciate this moment i am going through right now.

I'm so grateful I met him when I did.

The day I discovered I was BLACK !!

I was on FB just now and I saw a really interesting FB update that my friend had up. It got me thinking about the day I found out I was Black. No really, it’s not a joke. It honestly took me a while to discover that I was Black, 18 years of age to be precise.

Her status update read like this.

‘Philile Masango: Can't stop musing over a convo with my BFF's 10yr old kid brother;
HIM: I discovered I was black when I was about 3 or 4 yrs old.
ME: That early? I discovered only when I was 15
HIM: Then clearly u didn't look in the mirror long enough when u were younger.
ME: lol, Anyway, so what did you think u were before you discovered u were black?
HIM: Nothing, I just never thought of myself along color lines....#kids’

It had three ‘likes’, and about 7 comments, including mine. The comments read:

‘Ntombenhle Khathwane: My daughter used to describe people according to colour until she 7 and went to a mostly-white school. She'd use colours like brown, dark-brown, light-brown, or cream white, pink, once even grey. I thought it was so cute. That was until she learn the social constructs

Badelisile Masuku: good skools now classify children according to their home language zulu speaking, afrikaans speaking, etc

Musa Ndlangamandla: Interesting. These guyz are smart. Tsine bes'dlala shumpu sivalekile. Bona are exploring the universe.

Neliswa Andzile Dladla: Ewu, mine bengati UMLUNGU, LIKHALATSI, LISHANGANE ne MANGANGAWANE

Philile Masango: hehehe...Neliswa Andzile Dladla. And you're right Ntombenhle Khathwane. Often when I say "I discovered I was black" people immediately think I was foolish to even ever think that I was white. But the thing is, you NEVER even think you're white or anything for that matter, you just never think that whatever colour you are, black or brown has some deep meaning. I.e. the social constructs, stereotypes etc, that essentially whether you’re a good person or not, the world will treat you differently based on the colour of your skin. I was so emotional and couldn’t control my tears the day ‘I discovered I was black’

Nofundo Manyatsi: I only discovered I was black once I left big bend and went to study in Durban. What a slap in the face. Thing is, in Swaziland, or big bend rather, u are not really exposed to such.

Philile Masango: Ja neh! It's quite a rude awakening isn't it? I was lucky to find out early in my teens. I was actually told by the principal in high school, so he would comfort me and give me his handkerchief between sobs.’

This was not a lie. I only really realised what skin colour I was when I was out of Swaziland.

In high school I was dating a coloured guy. After he finished high school – he was in a different school to me, and a class above me – he went to Durban, and we had a long distance relationship. I was gonna go join him in Durban the following year. And the idea of us being away from home was very exciting.

January 2003 came. I bid farewell to my family and all the friends I was leaving behind. I was FINALLY done with school, what a relief!!! I was finally out of my parent’s house. I could now play my music as LOUD as I wanted to. I could leave my place and come back at any hour I pleased. No more curfews. I could just smell the FREEDOM!!! And I couldn’t wait to wave my parents bye bye after they drop me off in Durban. The first day of the rest of my life was about to begin….

Okay…fast forward to my second month in Durban. I started noticing the weird looks people gave us. Almost as if to say ‘hey, what are you doing with a black chick.’ I saw the ‘Black places’, and the ‘White places’ that people of said colour hung out at. I got comments from Black guys that were hitting on me, about why I wasn’t with a ‘real’ man. Real to them meaning Black. I noticed how he always got drinks faster when he went to the bar, instead of me. I noticed how the really packed club, which was just about to call for last drinks, somewhat eased up on their rules after seeing him. What was going on? It was really hard for me to understand…Okay, I had heard about the whole apartheid saga, was this the fruits of that?

It hit me then, I was not just Nofundo, I was Black Nofundo. I was defined by the colour of my skin. I was Black, before I was Nofundo. It was like life had given me a reality slap right across the face. Ja neh, I was in SA now, no longer in Sdeezys.

The friends I hung out with always spoke isiZulu. ‘Awukwazi ukuhlulwa isiZulu ube uphila khona kwelikaMthaniya. Umuntu onjani ongakwazi ukuthamunda?’ others said.

I was not only defined by my skin colour, but I had to conform to what people of my skin colour did. How they acted. How they spoke. The language they spoke. How hey dressed. They were asking me to lose myself completely, in order to be ‘Black,’ because this ‘Coconut’ thing was not working for them. I said good bye to those ‘friends’ and was outties.

Fast forward to seven years later….I now live in Pretoria. The home of the Afrikaners. The Boerewors Curtain as others call it. (Boerewors Curtain: any Afrikaans speaking district, usually rural. Usually not the most flattering reference. Benoni & Pretoria - http://www.newfusion.co.za/_mgxroot/page_10791.html )

Coconut me is loving it here. Sometimes I walk into shops and all I hear is Afrikaans, which I know not a word of. Sometimes at the meetings or conferences I attend, someone will do a whole speech in Afrikaans. I just sit there and BBM 

Yes I am Black. It may have taken me a while to figure this out. To figure out how being Black could define your whole life. I love being Black and I will not let my skin colour define who I am, just as I do not define White, Coloured, other Blacks, Purple, and Orange people by their skin colour. I am Nofundo, before I am Black.
I am also Nofundo, before i am a woman.

a journey and life story by Sandile Dlamini !!

Wadup Guys.
Thought I'd share this with y'all. A very good friend of mine sent me it. It got me thinking.

"The cries after the last breath, waking up in an old age home, collect your pension and watch the stars shinning bright in the African Skies, before then you drink alcohol, you party and perhaps become promiscuous and get ready for high school, you go to primary school and then you become a kid, you plan and you have no responsibilities, you become a baby and then you spend 9 months floating peacefully in luxury and then you finish off as an orgasm.

Now read the paragraph above starting from the end. That is the story of human kind. Per the eyes of man every person starts or is a product of an orgasm, goes through the journey of life and ends up dying. Some people always say it is not about how we start but how we end. I want to differ, it is more about what we do inbetween the start and the end. The start is simple, EVERY MAN SHALL BE BORN, the end is simple, EVERY MAN SHALL DIE. Starting is part of it, it's either you start good or bad ( BORN RICH OR POOR), but for you to finish the race as a winner you need to know what to do if you have started badly, you need to keep the momentum going if you started pretty much better.

As I always say, success is more about knowing where you going and getting there first. Once you are the first ,all others will look at you and will want to be like you. You then become the legend upon which mankind bases their stories, folklore and tales. The legendary deeds become a measure on which others basedtheir success. A walk which others would want to walk, a path that brings light to the eyes of men, a mountain upon which all others look up to, a joy that those who partake in - give themselves accolades such as WE HAVE NOW MADE IT. All these are based on the premise that the first have made it, the first shall be followed, the first had made a way, the first is pioneer and the first has become a way of life upon which all of us must thrive to be likewise.

Such is the journey of life, mankind does not have the sky as the limit. For those who still believe so, do so simply because they are ignorant of the fact that mankind lives in the International Space Station as we speak. The ISS has been suspended in the skies for more than 10 years now, with more than 3 people at a time. The human brain itself has not been used fully. Our capabilities go beyond what we see, what we dream of and what we want to become. Our spirits may never today, tomorrow and forever be limited in relation to what we want to achieve. Our ambitions can be achieved pretty much by trying to do all that is beyond what mankind see and what mankind think at present.

Those that came before us paved a way, started a journey whose distance is light eyes to be accomplished. We all have to partake in this journey, we can never finish it, we can never say now we have accomplished that which the Heavens intended us to, non amongst ourselves can proclaim that the journey has been completed or would be in our life time. But if I may say, all peoples of the earth are on this journey, a moment of thinking, a moment of hard work, a moment of laughter, a moment of passion and a moment of sacrifice makes the journey worth it for mankind, one becomes a light unto which others find their path when something different is done on the journey of life. Hence others become our inspiration, our mentors and our heroes.

I write to say, before you layeth the journey of life upon which your life shall be made by non others but yourselves.

I now write to wish you a prosperous journey in your life time.

In trust of the wonders of Life, a journey and a life story by Sandile Dlamini"