The day I discovered I was BLACK !!

I was on FB just now and I saw a really interesting FB update that my friend had up. It got me thinking about the day I found out I was Black. No really, it’s not a joke. It honestly took me a while to discover that I was Black, 18 years of age to be precise.

Her status update read like this.

‘Philile Masango: Can't stop musing over a convo with my BFF's 10yr old kid brother;
HIM: I discovered I was black when I was about 3 or 4 yrs old.
ME: That early? I discovered only when I was 15
HIM: Then clearly u didn't look in the mirror long enough when u were younger.
ME: lol, Anyway, so what did you think u were before you discovered u were black?
HIM: Nothing, I just never thought of myself along color lines....#kids’

It had three ‘likes’, and about 7 comments, including mine. The comments read:

‘Ntombenhle Khathwane: My daughter used to describe people according to colour until she 7 and went to a mostly-white school. She'd use colours like brown, dark-brown, light-brown, or cream white, pink, once even grey. I thought it was so cute. That was until she learn the social constructs

Badelisile Masuku: good skools now classify children according to their home language zulu speaking, afrikaans speaking, etc

Musa Ndlangamandla: Interesting. These guyz are smart. Tsine bes'dlala shumpu sivalekile. Bona are exploring the universe.

Neliswa Andzile Dladla: Ewu, mine bengati UMLUNGU, LIKHALATSI, LISHANGANE ne MANGANGAWANE

Philile Masango: hehehe...Neliswa Andzile Dladla. And you're right Ntombenhle Khathwane. Often when I say "I discovered I was black" people immediately think I was foolish to even ever think that I was white. But the thing is, you NEVER even think you're white or anything for that matter, you just never think that whatever colour you are, black or brown has some deep meaning. I.e. the social constructs, stereotypes etc, that essentially whether you’re a good person or not, the world will treat you differently based on the colour of your skin. I was so emotional and couldn’t control my tears the day ‘I discovered I was black’

Nofundo Manyatsi: I only discovered I was black once I left big bend and went to study in Durban. What a slap in the face. Thing is, in Swaziland, or big bend rather, u are not really exposed to such.

Philile Masango: Ja neh! It's quite a rude awakening isn't it? I was lucky to find out early in my teens. I was actually told by the principal in high school, so he would comfort me and give me his handkerchief between sobs.’

This was not a lie. I only really realised what skin colour I was when I was out of Swaziland.

In high school I was dating a coloured guy. After he finished high school – he was in a different school to me, and a class above me – he went to Durban, and we had a long distance relationship. I was gonna go join him in Durban the following year. And the idea of us being away from home was very exciting.

January 2003 came. I bid farewell to my family and all the friends I was leaving behind. I was FINALLY done with school, what a relief!!! I was finally out of my parent’s house. I could now play my music as LOUD as I wanted to. I could leave my place and come back at any hour I pleased. No more curfews. I could just smell the FREEDOM!!! And I couldn’t wait to wave my parents bye bye after they drop me off in Durban. The first day of the rest of my life was about to begin….

Okay…fast forward to my second month in Durban. I started noticing the weird looks people gave us. Almost as if to say ‘hey, what are you doing with a black chick.’ I saw the ‘Black places’, and the ‘White places’ that people of said colour hung out at. I got comments from Black guys that were hitting on me, about why I wasn’t with a ‘real’ man. Real to them meaning Black. I noticed how he always got drinks faster when he went to the bar, instead of me. I noticed how the really packed club, which was just about to call for last drinks, somewhat eased up on their rules after seeing him. What was going on? It was really hard for me to understand…Okay, I had heard about the whole apartheid saga, was this the fruits of that?

It hit me then, I was not just Nofundo, I was Black Nofundo. I was defined by the colour of my skin. I was Black, before I was Nofundo. It was like life had given me a reality slap right across the face. Ja neh, I was in SA now, no longer in Sdeezys.

The friends I hung out with always spoke isiZulu. ‘Awukwazi ukuhlulwa isiZulu ube uphila khona kwelikaMthaniya. Umuntu onjani ongakwazi ukuthamunda?’ others said.

I was not only defined by my skin colour, but I had to conform to what people of my skin colour did. How they acted. How they spoke. The language they spoke. How hey dressed. They were asking me to lose myself completely, in order to be ‘Black,’ because this ‘Coconut’ thing was not working for them. I said good bye to those ‘friends’ and was outties.

Fast forward to seven years later….I now live in Pretoria. The home of the Afrikaners. The Boerewors Curtain as others call it. (Boerewors Curtain: any Afrikaans speaking district, usually rural. Usually not the most flattering reference. Benoni & Pretoria - http://www.newfusion.co.za/_mgxroot/page_10791.html )

Coconut me is loving it here. Sometimes I walk into shops and all I hear is Afrikaans, which I know not a word of. Sometimes at the meetings or conferences I attend, someone will do a whole speech in Afrikaans. I just sit there and BBM 

Yes I am Black. It may have taken me a while to figure this out. To figure out how being Black could define your whole life. I love being Black and I will not let my skin colour define who I am, just as I do not define White, Coloured, other Blacks, Purple, and Orange people by their skin colour. I am Nofundo, before I am Black.
I am also Nofundo, before i am a woman.