The Test

The SABC one TV drama Intersexions got a lot of people thinking…and testing.
For those who did not watch it, Intersexions was about how our lives intersect and criss-cross with others’ in ways we don’t even know about. As soon as we become sexually active, we are immediately locked into a human web in which we are sleeping with hundreds, even thousands, of complete strangers. It showed how every time you sleep with someone, you sleep with their entire past.

Well, the drama also got me thinking, I wanted to go get tested. I kept telling myself that I had nothing really to worry about as i had been ‘playing it safe’ but something was urging me to go, for ‘peace of mind.’

I ignored the urge. Okay, I lie. I tried to go. I called New Start, but they told me that they do not have a permanent clinic in Pretoria. They told me that they have a satellite one, and I had to call them the morning I wanted to go to find out where they were…I called them once, they were in Garunkua. Sooo far. So I left it, and didn’t really think about it again.

On the 19th of July I had to go see my Doctor. While in the doctors rooms, being examined for what I had gone to her for, I decided right there to get tested as well. The last I had had an hiv test was about 2 years ago, in Durban, where I used to donate blood on a regular as well. i’m blood type O by the way, the rarest group that can be used to save people of the other blood groups as well. And yes, this does make me feel special.

The doctor gave me a counseling session. Asking why I felt the need to get tested. She asked about my sexual history and my lifestyle currently. She told me the options of what can be done should I be negative, as well as positive. Then I went to the Lancet Labs part of the hospital, where they drew blood. I had to sign on the test tube as well, as they can not test it for hiv without a signature. The lady at the lab told me that my doctor would tell me on the Friday, or the Monday. Then…the….wait…..began………

It was the longest few days of my life. On Monday the phone call came. When I saw the hospitals number on my screen, I stopped breathing for about 3 seconds. I let it ring for a while and probably only answered at the last ring. My hands were shaking, my palms were sweaty. My heart was racing. And the ‘hello’ only came out on my third attempt at hello.

The first thing my doctor said was ‘I have some good news for you.’ The relief I felt at that moment in time, is truly unexplainable.

I kinda knew I had nothing really to worry about, but I needed to do it for piece of mind. Intersexions really did get me thinking, just as it did almost the whole of Mzansi. So if you missed it, they are re-broadcasting it. Friday nights at 20h30, since July 22. SABC one. It is an amazing drama, a must see. And no, Curious Pictures and Ants Multimedia who co-produce the drama, are not paying me for this blog item.

Dreams

So, on Tuesday 28 June I had a dream that I had given birth. In my dream, I didn’t even know that I was pregnant; I just went into labour and gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. The dream was so vivid, I can actually still remember exactly what happened even now. I was home alone when the baby came...

A day after the baby ‘arrived’ I phoned my family and told them the news. My Mum didn’t believe me as she didn’t understand how I had not known I was pregnant.

When I woke up I was a bit concerned. In African culture to dream of birth, means a death (might happen)…

I told my BFF about the dream, and the first thing she asked was whether the baby was healthy. I knew she too was thinking of the death meaning from the African culture.

She then Googled the dream for me, and this is what she found:

‘To dream of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents a new attitude, fresh beginnings or a major event. Alternatively, the dream may be calling attention to your inner child and the potential for you to grow. A more direct interpretation of this dream may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.’

This interpretation put me at ease as I had met my Boyfriend about four days before I had this dream.

It’s the lil' things

the way he looks at me
the words he speaks to me
the way he holds me
the way he’s always willing to help

the way he sticks his rolled tongue out at me
the way he tries to fight back his sleep when we are cuddling

his love for chocolate, he even eats it in his sleep (yes, im dead serious)

the way he kisses me

the way he tilts his back backwards when he dances
the way he does his white boy dance moves
the way he dances while he’s driving

the look on his face when he’s concentrating
the way he and PraDa get along

the way he can always ‘read’ my eyes – i must admit though, this used to freak me out at first
the way he says i love you, which gives me goosebumps all the time

the way he listens when i talk
the way we get along
the way he ‘gets me’

the way he always says all the right things

the way he opens the car door for me
the way he asks me if i’m okay

the way i miss him when we are apart
the way he has let me into his world and
the way he has fitted so perfectly in mine

the way we met
the way he makes me smile
the way he makes me laugh

it’s the little things he does that make me fall in love with him more and more each day

Mr Jele

He came into my life about 3 weeks ago but -without sounding too cliched- it feels like I'v known him my whole life. He makes me laugh, he's got me on auto smile.
I can be myself completely when I'm with him. He's almost just as crazy as I am. Ok, actually, he's crazier than me.

He brings me flowers, he opens the car door for me, and have I already mentioned that he makes me laugh, smile, happy.....?

I used to think that I only blogged when I was sad, as an escape mechanism, well, im blogging now, which means I have been wrong. I must blog when I'm feeling extremes, coz right now I'm extremely happy! And I want the whole world to know.

Some of my people are askn me where Nof has gone to. The pessimist, cursed Nof. Well guys, I guess the curse has been broken. I'v been told to 'take things slow' to 'suss him out' 'to figure out what he's about'.

Things are just moving so quickly though, the love is soo strong. And I'm enjoying every bit and am planning to give it my all.

It just feels soooo different this time around, so real, so true, so geniune.
It is true what they say I guess, one day someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked with the rest.

I actually at times feel like slapping myself for being okay with some of the ish I have been put through, and for sometimes allowing myself to be treated like some of the times I have been treated in the past. But i guess i had to go through all of that though in order truley appreciate this moment i am going through right now.

I'm so grateful I met him when I did.